Chapter 4 part 2

***

When school is over, Go Yoo Han says leaves the classroom saying, “I’m leaving first.”

I’m packing my few things, but Jung Joo Haeng who has a lot to pack clicks his tongue.

“It’s because he’s cleaning the science lab.”

“Cleaning the science lab?”

Jung Joo Haeng nods to my question. Then shakes his head. The first may be in answer to my question and the second must be his own opinion.

“He asked to use the science lab today at lunch, so he agreed to clean it all week.”

“Ah.”

That explains why he entered the room so casually and easily found chairs, stands and prisms in the warehouse.

“So, what did he show you today? Sodium explosion? Chemical flame reaction?”

“What’s chemical flame reaction?”

“The color of the flame as reaction to metal elements. LiReNaYeKaPuCaOrSReCuTuBaGre…”

Jung Joo Haeng says something strange, as if he memorized a spell. I just blink because I don’t know what it means.

“Metallic elements flame reaction colors. LiRe, Lithium Red, NaYe, Sodium Yellow, KaPu, Potassium Purple, CaOr, Calcium Orange, SRE, Strontium Red, CuTu, Copper Turquoise, BaGre, Barium Green.” *racked my damn brain but didn’t pull out a periodic table, HA.

… if that was a student’s duty, then I must have given up on mine. I know now why my aunt and the homeroom teacher told me to either study or not do it at all.

“I memorized this when I was in middle school.”

“Do you learn this in middle school?”

“What country did you go to for middle school?”

“No, it’s amazing that some people still remember what they learned in middle school.”

“It’s on chapter one. I’ll add CsBl*” *let’s just pretend he’s saying the letters one by one here, okay. *cries* I had to match chemical elements with colors in two languages, okay?

“What’s that?”

“Cesium Blue.”

It was amazing seeing a rainbow today, but it’s also fascinating experiencing the memorization abilities of the person next to me. Jung Joo Haeng sees me puzzled, so he snaps his fingers as if to come to his senses.

“So, what did Go Yoo Han show you?”

“A rainbow.”

“A rainbow…”

Jung Joo Haeng nods his head when he hears my answer.

“Prism?”

I nod my head at that question. Then he makes a comment on Go Yoo Han.

“It would be dangerous if Go Yoo Han made a metal flame experiment.”

Then he laughs.

“I’ll ask the teacher if he can show us the experiment next time.”

“Oh? Thanks.”

“I also want to see it once, that’s how you memorize it. Plus, I should help Go Yoo Han one time, since he makes such a fuss about memorizing your face.”

I’m about to ask why Go Yoo Han wants to memorize my face, but shut my mouth. That’s the bad thing about monos. The obsession with probes. Moreover, such obsession ruins everything around them. On Monday, he helped Go Yoo Han cover his absence, and today he says he wants to help him, although I’m not sure of the meaning of that. Of course, he’s known him longer than I have, so he knows more about Go Yoo Han’s character, and it makes me feel uncomfortable for no reason. *Hello, Yeon Woo? Conscience here, it’s called jealousy. Yep.

But when I come out with Jung Joo Haeng, I stop in front of the apartment complex and he exclaims.

“How nice! Your house is so close!”

And starts to leave. I laugh awkwardly with my mouth closed because I’m afraid of letting slip a question like ‘Go Yoo Han takes the bus, is his house far?’. Apparently, Jung Joo Haeng helps me in many ways, but I can’t speak nicely due to my twisted mind. Hah… I see why aunt told me to stop chasing mom’s disappearance. I’ve been without a friend for so long, I can’t even remember how to take favors.

I get home with that in mind, and look through yesterday’s search again to find out if the participants of the get-together had probes. In the meantime, the crawled SNS photos are going through a slide-show.

Then, I stop it at once, not because I see mom, but because the picture has a rainbow in the background. Decoloring had come a long time ago, so it doesn’t make my heart shake like it did in the science lab warehouse earlier. Nevertheless, I was blinded by a rainbow that showed only a slight difference in light and shade.

Thinking that there’s not enough time, I resume the slide-show and keep looking through the posts.

My aunt sends me a picture of recently cut sashimi. She’s eating well.

Over here, because there is a probe who opens my eyes to colors day by day I…

No, I don’t want to define it in words.

***

“Hello, My Yeon Woo! Today too…”

“Go Yoo Han.”

I call his name to stop him from saying any nonsense. I’m sure he’ll say I’m pretty, or prettier today. Go Yoo Han tilts his head, raises his index finger and puts it in the middle of the mask. Ah, please, not on top of his lips. That means he’ll start acting cute on purpose.

“Don’t act cute.”

“Yeon Woo, you’re cute when you tell me not to be cute.”

“You’re such a big guy too.”

“My Yeon Woo, don’t you know?”

Ah, I feel like I’m caught in the nonsense again, and here I thought I blocked it when he said hi.

“I’m so cute because I’m so big.”

“……”

Regret rushes in. I can’t read his patterns yet. I tried to stop it because I thought I have him figured out, but I get hit again. As I’m pondering on my own inadequacy in handling Go Yoo Han, Kang Min Jae looks at the classroom table. There’s nothing there.

Go Yoo Han tells him “Hi!” and follows Kang Min Jae’s look.

“Is the grandpa there?”

He asks Kang Min Jae casually. The other kids seem surprised by Go Yoo Han’s question. If you think about it, in a way, he’s fearless, and in a way, he’s saying things others wouldn’t ask a friend. Kang Min Jae looks at Go Yoo Han with cold eyes, not with the relaxed look he has when he looks at Jung Joo Haeng. I’m nervous for no reason, but Go Yoo Han only looks back at him.

“Doesn’t he tell you to take care of me?”

“No. You are a man of your own accord.”

“That’s right!”

I’m not sure because his face is covered by the mask, but Go Yoo Han seems to smile. I still get scared sometimes in moments like this when Kang Min Jae sees the grandpa and says strange things.

When Jung Joo Haeng arrives, Kang Min Jae’s cold eyes subside and change to the drooping relaxed ones I’ve often seen before. I know the kids are scared of Kang Min Jae because of his sudden changes, but Jung Joo Haeng and Go Yoo Han don’t seem to mind.

-

Today’s lunch is spicy chicken stew and bean sprout soup. The sauce is a little too spicy, so my mouth tingles as I eat it. Go Yoo Han already finished his stew, which he had piled up ad if it was not spicy at all. Jung Joo Haeng is chewing slowly and Kang Min Jae is almost done eating. I’m thinking I should hurry up and eat it all up to catch up, but some kids seat down on the empty table next to me, making a ruckus. One of them is Kim Se Hyun.

“Pres, did you order pizza?”

He asks Jung Joo Haeng. Jung Joo Haeng is chewing on the radish greens and answers only after he finishes eating them.

“Mm. Did you see the bill yesterday?”

“Oh. Drinks and wings are expensive, but you have to order that much to eat enough. Hello, Yeon Woo-yah.” *ahem. What.

I’m surprised Kim Se Hyun suddenly greets me while talking to Jung Joo Haeng. When Kim Se Hyun smiles full of mischief, his snaggle tooth is visible. Then he hurries to eat chicken stew and joke around with the other kids while talking about games. I keep looking that way as I turn my head, then I see Goo Yoo Han staring at me. His eyes are neither playful nor smiling.

“Hello, Yeon Woo-yah.” *oh, my. Someone’s in trouble.

“Are you done eating?”

“Mm. Why don’t you say hi back to me? Are you being nice to the vice president Kim Se Hyun?”

He opens his eyes like he normally does when talking nonsense, so I focus on my meal because I think I probably saw wrong. *Nope, he’s jealous and someone is in trouble.

Meanwhile, Go Yoo Han takes out his cellphone ang gets up while making a face.

“I’ll go first.”

“Okay.”

This time Jung Joo Haeng is not eating, so he answers right away. Then he shakes his head.

“He’s being called to the science lab again.”

“Again?”

“He was called over the other day.”

That reminds me of him greeting me from a window on the side of the building on Tuesday.

He was in the science lab? I take my phone out to contact him, with the thought of going to help him out. But someone suddenly talks to me.

“Yeon Woo, why don’t you join the soccer game?”

I turn my head and I see Kim Se Hyun is looking at me while he smiles. I look at Kang Min Jae and Jung Joo Haeng. Kang Min Jae replies instead of Jung Joo Haeng who is chewing on a piece of chicken.

“Joo Haeng and I are going to the library.”

Kim Se Hyun says:

“I only need one player, since I’m odd numbered right now!”

He smiles at me again. I’m thinking of saying no, because I have to help Go Yoo Han, but Kim Se Hyun is already teaming up with me. I feel somewhat caught up in a daze, when I see Jung Joo Haeng’s face in front of me, I become alert in a different sense. I forgot that I told myself just yesterday not to get too close to Go Yoo Han. It’s pathetic.

“Mm. I’ll join.”

“Oh, new player Choi Yeon Woo, I look forward to see if he can become today’s MVP!”

Then Kim Se Hyun gets up with his empty plate. Jung Joo Haeng is still eating, when I look at him, he makes a sign to just go. So, I follow Kim Se Hyun.

-

I realize that I lack physical strength after running for the first time in a while. I haven’t spent time wandering aimlessly these days. I’ve always been looking for clues on mom whenever I have time. The only times I forget about it is when Go Yoo Han shows me the colors. But now that I’m running after the ball, I like the immersion of focusing only on the ball more than I thought I would. In addition, it’s surprisingly comfortable running around with Kim Se Hyun and the other kids, even though we are not that close. It feels different from being with Go Yoo Han and Jung Joo Haeng who care about me.

“Ah! Stop it! Stop it!”

Also, I know Kim Se Hyun’s style. He runs around, but he’s pretty slow, that’s why his mouth is so active. What’s fortunate is that he quickly makes predictions on the other team’s behavior, either because his vision is wide or because he’s smart.

“Oh, player Park Ki Won, you can’t put that in!”

“Kim Se Hyun, shut your mouth!”

“Oh! Fair play! Fair Play!”

First, he provokes a kid who got a goal blocked and then shouts fair play when he is caught in a headlock. His face is full of mischief and he really is very mischievous*. *I hate him.

As I run, sweat spreads down my back. I don’t score a goal, but I think I’m good defense. I stay well in the empty space and take the opponent’s ball and spin it away.

“Oh, player Choi Yeon Woo, I’m glad you’re on our side!”

“Kim Se Hyun, shut your mouth!”

“Oh, Ki Won, fair play! Fair play!”

Kim Se Hyun provokes Park Ki Won again when I take the ball from him and kick it to the other side. Again, Park Ki Won grabs him in a headlock, Kim Se Hyun, who shouts fair play while being dragged away is rather distasteful and funny. Before I know it, only our team scores a goal and the game is over.

Kim Se Hyun praises the classmate who scored with a thumbs up and with a broadcast-like voice he must’ve heard somewhere.

“Oh, the glory of the past continues!”

“Kim Se Hyun, shut your mouth!”

“Oh, Ki Won, fair play! Fair play!”

Then he is hit by his opponent Park Ki Won again. I laugh so hard that I look at the school building. Just in case, I look at the window I saw on Tuesday, but the window is closed.

When Kim Se Hyun is released from Park Ki Won’s headlock, he heads towards me.

“Now, Choi Yeon Woo who played for the first time today, please tell us how you feel.”

He clenches his right fist and holds it out to me as if holding a microphone. I’m embarrassed by the sudden attention and answer while laughing.

“It was a total mess.”

Our team laughs at my words, and everyone begins to mix up regardless of team or whatever.

“Wow, Choi Yeon Woo, with that face, spewing spiteful remarks.”

“I didn’t know you were this type.”

“If you can’t handle Go Yoo Han, you can’t digest Choi Yeon Woo.”

“Oh, that almost rhymes.”

Someone pulls my sleeve as I’m going back to the classroom in the middle of that noise. I’m hot from running, so I turn around when the tip of my sleeve is caught. It’s Kim Se Hyun*. *takes out electric paddle*, I AM READY TO SWAT YOU DOWN, YOU ANNOYING FLY.

“I don’t want to get goosebumps when I say this.”

He frowns with a disgusted expression on his own, and laughs showing his snaggle tooth again.

“There are no bad kids in the class. There’s some slow-witted bastards.”

When saying that, Kim Se Hyun looks at Park Ki Won, who is pouring water on his head from the tap without a thought.

“I pushed for class president because I’m too lazy to be in charge, and the kids don’t get close because of Kang Min Jae.”

“Uh, mm.”

I also agree with Kim Se Hyun’s worried remarks. Kids don’t come near Kang Min Jae. From what I’ve seen so far, they only approached the day Jung Joo Haeng was making fake Go Yoo Han. If I noticed it, then Kim Se Hyun must have done it too.

“So, don’t get carried away by Go Yoo Han. Also, if you don’t do breath control well, you can die.”

“Breath what?”

“You fainting.”

The words suddenly give me a buzz. As for the cause of my fainting, the homeroom teacher believed Jung Joo Haeng saying that it was an excessive diet, but Kim Se Hyun suggests something else. I wonder if he knows about the relationship of mono and probe Go Yoo Han and I have, but I ask again because he said something different.

“What’s breath control?”

“Oops. Play. It’s breath play.”

Then he pretends to circle his hands around something, and presses it with his thumb.

“Strangling.”

I figure out what he’s thinking when he says that.

“Fainting game?”

“Oh, are you doing that? When you’re all grown up?”

There was a fainting game that was also in the news in the past, making it difficult to breathe by strangling or pressing down on the other person’s throat. I only knew it from the news, but it’s the first time I hear it called breath control. No, what the hell is that term?

“No, it’s not that.”

“Then why would you faint? I thought it was because you were weak, but you ran around well today.” *TESTING HIM, HE WAS TESTING HIM. RAT BASTARD 2.0

I fail to answer Kim Se Hyun’s question honestly. I only wrinkle my mouth because I think I should lie, and Kim Se Hyun starts guessing around.

“You’re not a mono either.”

Words pop out of my mouth as I flinch at those words.

“It’s not Go Yoo Han’s fault!”

“Uh… then what is it?”

“Anyway, it’s not because of Go Yoo Han. Everything… is my fault.”

Go Yoo Han is not doing anything wrong. It’s because I’m a mono. That’s why whenever I see him, I get color rush and faint. When I close my mouth, Kim Se Hyun makes a ‘Hmm…’ sound and frowns as if he doesn’t understand. Then his snaggle tooth appears again.

“It’s something you don’t want to say! I also have a secret I can’t talk about! What is it? I have a piercing on my nipple.”

“What?”

I’m embarrassed by the combination of words I hear. Kim Se Hyun starts lifting his shirt.

“Look, look.”

I hurriedly stop Kim Se Hyun’s hands and prevent him from lifting his shirt.

“I won’t look.”

“It’s a lie.”

After saying that, Kim Se Hyun laughs again and looks at me, the he says in the same broadcaster voice as earlier:

“Player Choi Yeon Woo is weak in psychological warfare. That way, he can’t grow up to be a great player.”

“…I get why Park Ki Won was trying to strangle you.”

“Anyways, what I want to say is that, other than Go Yoo Han and Jung Joo Haeng, there are a lot of kids in class who would play with you. So, don’t get swept away.” *go choke.

Kim Se Hyun says as he approaches Park Ki Won, who sprayed water on his head before returning to the classroom. I know what Kim Se Hyun said is because he doesn’t know the situation, but I chew it over. Don’t get swept away. *siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

“Oh, Park Ki Won, you look like a drowned mouse!”

“Kim Se Hyun, shut your mouth!”

“Oh, Park Ki Won, fair play! Fair play!”

It’s ridiculous to see Kim Se Hyun getting caught in a headlock again when he goes teasing Park Ki Won after talking to me about that breath control or whatever.

My head is burning in another sense.

-

I go back to the classroom and look carefully at Go Yoo Han. Even if I look, his face is covered by the mask. Go Yoo Han gently bends towards and locks eyes with me, he clasps his hands to support his chin.

“My Yeon Woo, now you realize the true value of my face?”

“No.”

“Then is it a beauty trap? Why are you looking at me so prettily?”

“Go Yoo Han.”

“Hm?”

“Do you really have to clean the science lab?”

At my words, Go Yoo Han’s smiling eyes turn towards Jung Joo Haeng. When Jung Joo Haeng doesn’t notice, Kang Min Jae makes an “ahem” sound and taps his back with the tip of his index finger. “What?” Jung Joo Haeng answers Kang Min Jae and then sees Go Yoo Han’s eyes full of resent.

“Ah, sit.”

He curses.

“What? Why? Huh?”

“Why did you hurt My Yeon Woo’s heart telling him about the science lab?! The science lab deal was something between me and Mr. Young Chun!”

For I moment I wonder who Young Chun is, the I remember the name of the physics teacher is Bae Young Chun.

“You asked me to change your weekly duty because you have to clean the science lab!”

“And thank you for that, but why did you talk about it?”

Jung Joo Haeng answers without losing a beat and Go Yoo Han talks as if stepping back.

Jung Joo Haeng turns his body around completely and looks at Go Yoo Han.

“I’ve helped you with everything you’ve whined about since elementary school, so what?”

“How is this helping me?”

“Because the weak-hearted Choi Yeon Woo would help you clean! I helped you make the alone time you wanted so much, so what?”

“Huh?”

“What?”

The first question is from Go Yoo Han, the second is from me. Jung Joo Haeng turns his eyes at me and pats my head and makes a sorry face, then he moves his eyes to his workbook. He turns his body back around.

Go Yoo Han wiggles his hand, takes out a chocolate bar from his desk drawer and holds it out towards Jung Joo Haeng. Jung Joo Haeng looks at him when something touches his arm, and when he gives him the chocolate bar, he immediately receives it and forgets his annoyance on the spot.

It feels like I’m sold for a chocolate bar.

“Wait a sec, I didn’t say I’d help Go Yoo Han clean.”

During lunch, I thought I would definitely help him, but I don’t want to act as expected now that I find out it was part of a plan. Jung Joo Haeng breaks a piece of the chocolate bar with a click when I say that, and then points at me with his mechanical pencil.

“That’s exactly what I wanted.”

“What?”

“Huh?”

This time, the first question is mine and the second is Go Yoo Han’s. Since Jung Joo Haeng even chews on chocolate, the answer is a little late.

“Choi Yeon Woo, since your heart is weak, I thought you’d help Go Yoo Han, but I didn’t want you to.”

“Jung Joo Haeng, are you on my side or on Yeon Woo’s side?”

“Choi Yeon Woo’s side.”

“Why?”

“Think about it. I feel bad for Choi Yeon Woo who’s stuck with a guy like you through morning, lunch, dinner and school!”

“What’s wrong with a cute and handsome guy like me?”

“Ah, shit.”

Then he shakes his head as if that doesn’t deserve an answer. The teacher comes in and class starts, and I’m not sure of what just happened. One thing is clear, Kim Se Hyun knows how to play the game. It seems certain that I am being swept away either by Go Yoo Han or Jung Joo Haeng.

When class is over, Go Yoo Han pouts his mouth under the mask to express his dissatisfaction.

“Yeon Woo-yah, I…”

“I’ll help you clean.”

In the end, it’s the answer I came out with thorough class. No matter how much Jung Joo Haeng expects me to help Go Yoo Han or not. I feel like if I do nothing in the end, I will feel indebted in my heart. Go Yoo Han’s eyes grow bigger. Jung Joo Haeng is sharing his chocolate bar with Kang Min Jae, then he breaks another piece and hands it to me. Go Yoo Han looks at Jung Joo Haeng in high spirits.

“My Yeon Woo is so kind, there’s no helping it.”

“Go Yoo Han, it never crossed your mind that you’re really wicked, right?”

Then Jung Joo Haeng eats the last piece of chocolate.

“Why didn’t you give me any?”

“You gave it to me.”

“And then you shared it with Yeon Woo and Kang Min Jae, but why not me?”

“You wanted to eat some?”

“Mm.”

“Then why did you give it to me?”

“Because I thought you were trying to help me.”

“Go Yoo Han, when you give someone a gift, don’t do it expecting to get it back.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re Go Yoo Han.”

Suddenly Go Yoo Han’s eyes narrow and he looks at Jung Joo Haeng.

“Joo Haeng, do you believe in Buddhism? You know why mountains are mountains, why water is water?” *gift in korean is sonmul, mountain is san and water is mul. And the mountains and the water are gifts from nature? This is just me deducting, but maybe it has something to do with that? If anyone knows, dm me, I’ll add it on!

“The Buddha is in your heart.”

“No, my Yeon Woo is my Buddha.”

“Then you’ve offended the Buddha.”

“Ah, my Buddha will save me.”

“No.”

I say no both to the Buddha part and the saving part. The conversation between the two doesn’t seem to go properly, so I don’t understand what they’re saying. Then Go Yoo Han looks at me and lowers his eyes in disappointment. At the moment, I wonder if he’s hurt because I didn’t take his side. I think it’s good I didn’t take his side.

“But there can’t be such a pretty Buddha.”

“I’m not pretty.”

I see he at least still has energy to say nonsense.

-

We go to the teachers’ room to get the key from the physics teacher and go into the science room. All we have to do is sweep and wipe the floors and desks, so it can be done sooner than I thought.

From time to time, Go Yoo Han calls out to show me things.

“Yeon Woo-yah, look at this.”

It’s a sample of a frog dissection.

“Wah, action reaction.”

He just messes with a pendulum.

“Line structure.”

He takes out sedimentary models from a dusty corner.

While he excitedly fiddles with this and that, I think about closing the door and locking it from the outside, leaving Go Yoo Han inside.

But I can’t do it because he comes out so fast. I think it might not be bad to try locking it once.

“My science date with Yeon Woo is over.”

“It wasn’t a date, it was cleaning.”

“After I finish up tomorrow at lunch, I don’t have to do it anymore.”

“Oh, that’s a relief.”

I don’t want to lose my time at school like this again tomorrow. I don’t want to be this distracted. He takes the key and turns it into the lock. With the locking sound, comes a proposition that is difficult to refuse.

“Want to see the rainbow again tomorrow?”

Those words make me turn my eyes towards Go Yoo Han. He’s taller than me, so I don’t like that he bends his head slightly. He looks at me with sparkling eyes. He said to answer to the proposal by this week… I don’t know how many times I’ve thought about it. The one in danger with that proposal is Go Yoo Han, but why is he so insistent? Is the colore moving that he sees during color rush that fun?

“I want to see.”

But I fall for it. Even if I try to recall it, I can’t picture the colors, so I have no choice but to have him show them to me. If he doesn’t… I urgently turn the key again and open the lock.

“Can’t we see it now?”

I ask while holding onto the science room door. Go Yoo Han blinks, slowly takes the key from my hand and locks the door again.

“No. It’s dangerous without a time limit.”

That’s exactly what I was aiming for. We can’t see each other enough during lunch time. Time flies so fast when I see the colors, I want to see it now.

“Yeon Woo, I have to send you home early so that your parents won’t worry. Also, you can’t be late for academy.”

I don’t tell him that I don’t go to academy, or that I don’t have parents at home to worry for me. There’s no need to talk about my personal situation. He grabs my wrist slightly and leads the way. He returns the key to the teachers’ office, and doesn’t say anything all to the way to my house. I don’t talk either.

I can’t believe I’m angry because he didn’t show me the rainbow. To put it into perspective, there’s no reason to give me more of his time.

“See you tomorrow, Yeon Woo-yah.”

“Mm. Take care.”

After saying goodbye like that, I go home.

I was working on something yesterday, but now my head is full of pressure to answer tomorrow, so I can’t focus. I want to learn colors, see colors, know colors. Given what Go Yoo Han has shown me so far, he is certainly knowledgeable about the colors. And he is also my probe. That’s the problem. If he wasn’t my probe and offered to teach me the colors by memorization, just like aunt tells me that soju bottles are green, I might say yes. But Go Yoo Han is my probe. That’s why… all kinds of thoughts are floating around in my head.

Obviously, if he asks after seeing the rainbow, I won’t be thinking of anything terrible that can happen in the future and follow Go Yoo Han.

I shouldn’t have said yes.

As I think about it, my aunt sends me a picture. She’s using me as a notepad again. It’s the picture of an object, not a landscape picture. It looks like someone’s ring wallet, but it’s very dirty.

A card is seen in the picture of the ring wallet. There’s another picture with the cards pulled out, among them, there’s a driver’s license. When I see the name, I know he went missing two years ago, the last name is ‘Yeo’, so I soon remember the name. I want to call my aunt and tell her everything I found. But would it help when she’s not organized yet?

First of all, the fact that this person’s item is found in such a bad state, it means that at least this item is lost. Otherwise, they use things very dirty, but that is less likely. Because there’s rust in the zipper of the ring wallet. It’s obvious that it would be hard to use it in such a state.

I look at the driver’s license again and feel sad. It’s the same photo of the flyer posted in the missing persons café. A driver’s license picture… the families of the missing are very concerned with the photos when making leaflets. Because that is the picture people need to find out who’s missing.

When aunt and I chose a picture for my mom, I chose a picture that shows my mom’s face well among the most recent ones we had. Aunt made a joke then.

“Oush, I’m sure she’ll be pissed we didn’t pick a pretty one.”

Did we think we could find her then? I can’t remember well now.

My head is full of colors and Go Yoo Han, So I feel like that is pushing back my memories.

What am I doing? She might be out there somewhere, but in the worst case she might… I hit my head against the desk to stop my thoughts. Those people chose the license picture as the flyer picture. Maybe because it wasn’t edited much, but they may have regretted it in tears.

I don’t have any pictures taken. None at all.

My aunt sends me a message that seems in syntony with my thoughts.

(Aunt)> I should take a lot of pictures of Yeon Woo on this birthday.]

I don’t know whether to answer jokingly or seriously, so I go for jokingly.

(Choi Yeon Woo)> give me a birthday present in cash, instead of pictures.]

(Aunt)> ㄴ]

I make a promise repeatedly. I have to say no to Go Yoo Han. I should not ask him to teach me the colors. I have to stop learning about colors.

I haven’t even found my mom yet, and I’m shamelessly learning about colors. I know the colors. What a shame… Mom…

***

It’s a day when the wind blows exceptionally hard while the rain pours down. I feel heavy thinking maybe I can see a rainbow after the rain. No. I have to say no. I have to say no. I keep reminding myself just in case. Even if the rejection makes Go Yoo Han become distant, and Jung Joo Haeng and Kang Min Jae too. I have to be prepared. Rather than thinking of hanging out with Kim Se Hyun and his crowd, I do well on my own anyways, so it’s okay to reduce the number of people I’m close to in order to focus on finding mom. Aunt may get upset when she hears that.

The wind is unusually strong, so my hair is a mess, the ends of my pants are wet and my heart is heavy, and so is my body. As I’m walking down the hall, Jung Joo Haeng is putting something up on the window, his hair a mess and his glasses askew.

“Hi.”

“Oh, Yeon Woo-yah, grab my glasses for a bit, please. Take them off.”

I take his glasses off as he asks. He’s putting up a poster of a national love essay contest for high school students.

“I’m the only one in charge.”

“It must be a bit of a nuisance.”

“I know, right?”

Jung Joo Haeng is holding some scissors with his teeth, so I try to hold them for him, but I feel movement behind my back. Go Yoo Han glances at the poster, then he turns his head and looks at me carefully.

“Hi.” He says simply.

“Hi.”

I reply and his eyes unravel and he winks his left eye at me.

“My Yeon Woo looks pretty even when he’s windswept.”

“I’m not pretty.”

When Jung Joo Haeng puts the scissors in his mouth to put up the poster, the end that he was holding with his right hand is about to come down. Go Yoo Han goes and grabs the end of the poster.

“Hey, why are you biting scissors?”

Jung Joo Haeng looks at Go Yoo Han and tries to open his mouth, but then he looks at me again. It’s strange seeing Jung Joo Haeng with his hair all messed up, but the expression he’s looking at me with is even stranger. I feel stared at for no reason. It can’t be… he found out I’m trying to distance myself from them while thinking of Go Yoo Han?!

“The homeroom teacher should have made Jung Joo Haeng do this.”

That remark makes me wonder. It seems he’s telling Jung Joo Haeng, who is in front of him, to bring Jung Joo Haeng to do this work. As if the one putting up the posters is not Jung Joo Haeng himself.

“I am Jung Joo Haeng, you idiot.”

“What, you don’t unbutton your shirt even when you’re dying in the heat. And what’s with this gypsy hairstyle?”

I don’t understand, because Go Yoo Han acts as if he’s really surprised. That’s Jung Joo Haeng in front of him, no matter how thick his glasses are, he’s not that hard to recognize without them.

“You can help if you want to, or you can call to make a complaint.”

“Ah, ah. The homeroom teacher is making you work, as expected, it’s not like he would ask Kim Se Hyun.”

Kim Se Hyun is totally different from Jung Joo Haeng, though? Like, really different? Kim Se Hyun is the one with the snaggletooth and the cat-like yes. No matter how you look at it, Jung Joo Haeng doesn’t have cat-like eyes.

As my head fills with questions, Go Yoo Han steals the scissors, rips off the tape and puts the poster up. Jung Joo Haeng shakes his hand and asks me, not Go Yoo Han, in a slightly irritated tone:

“Do I look like Kim Se Hyun?”

“No.”

“No, he’s similar in height. The short ones always look alike.”

Go Yoo Han adds uselessly to my answer. No, Jung Joo Haeng is shorter than me, but is Kim Se Hyun also shorter? I think we’re about the same height.

“Everything looks small to your eyes.”

“Uh. That’s why it’s the same. That’s it.”

“Ah, shit.”

Jung Joo Haeng shakes his head at Goo Yoo Han’s absurd stubbornness. Then he shakes his hand and pushes his back, as if he’s kicking Go Yoo Han out.

“Hey, I’m ordering pizza for lunch, so if you’re going to eat, go clean the science lab in advance.”

“Ah, why! I have a date with Yeon Woo for lunch!”

“Then Yeon Woo should eat pizza and you should starve!”

“Why! Ah! I’ll go and be right back!”

Go Yoo Han throws his bag into the classroom as if he doesn’t like it and leaves. Jung Joo Haeng shakes his head when he sees him far away.

“You saw, right?”

I can’t answer because I don’t know what I saw. Jung Joo Haeng continues after a small sigh.

“All the students know, and I was wondering if I should tell you or not, but I got caught.”

“What?”

The weird things Go Yoo Han just said? Or I might have missed the meaning. He might have meant “As expected, the homeroom teacher makes Jung Joo Haeng work.”, but then Kim Se Hyun suddenly popped out and I was surprised. He said it as if… he mistook Jung Joo Haeng for Kim Se Hyun. Although his hair is messed up and he’s not wearing his glasses, their faces cannot be mistaken.

“What do all the students know?”

He swipes his face down with both hands as if feeling deeply troubled. Then he says as if asking around.

“Can’t you just hear it from Go Yoo Han? I don’t want to say it myself.”

“Ah…”

Because he’s hesitating, I think I won’t hear it from Jung Joo Haeng, but luckily, Park Ki Won, who Kim Se Hyun calls slow-witted, passes by. He waves his hand lightly and tries to enter the classroom, so Jung Joo Haeng grabs his arm.

“Eh?”

He’s supposed to ask suddenly while holding his arm, and he can’t delay the question.

“Is there a secret about Go Yoo Han that all the students know?”

“It’s not a secret if all the school knows…”

Park Ki Won answers like that at first, then he shouts, ‘Ah!’. For some reason, I feel like Jung Joo Haeng is sending him signals from behind me, but it doesn’t work.

“Idol trainee, his debut was overturned last year.”

I already know that. The teacher told me. Then Jung Joo Haeng looks at me and says:

*it literally cliffhangs here! Sorry????